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  • Writer's pictureAmy Slater

Doubt and Fear: Did I do the right thing?

I am almost 3 weeks post abdominoplasty and I am going through a roller coaster of emotions! I came to the decision to have surgery to repair my abdominal wall after four years of diligent work. Within the last year, I started documenting my Essential Mom Movement Series where I demonstrated my training style and the methods I use with my clients to achieve great outcomes. My goal has always been to improve the tensegrity of my structure... Not at all, just to train my core. I achieved great success by improving the tension across the gap between my rectus bellies. But, by the end of the day, when I completely relaxed my abdominal wall, the weight of my intestines and abdominal contents was too great, and hung down and forward. THIS was my push to investigate repair.

I always felt great during my training, but I could not do anything to affect the resting tone in my abdominal wall... There was little to none. I certainly did not want to go around holding tension in my abdominal wall all the time which is what I reflexively did.

Everything about the surgery went against my training and my understanding of human movement. I am laying here wrapped in a stiff abdominal binder. My abdominal wall is so tight, it is difficult to take a deep breath after I eat. Surprisingly, when I am able to take deep, full breaths I can feel the integration with my core and pelvic floor. This happened from the very beginning.

I am positive about my physical health going into the surgery. I know that will improve the chances of a good outcome. But, I still worry about the outcome... Will it work? Will I be able to participate in all of the sports that I love, swimming, mountain/road biking, trail running, strength training, and loaded movement training? Will I have symmetry along the suture line? Will the sutures hold long enough for my body to scar over and build new fascial connections?

I CAN NOT imagine going through this procedure and it results only in a slight cosmetic improvement! All of these thoughts give me insight into what many people go through after surgery. The fear of not knowing what to do, the fear of the unknown, the fear of pain. I am SO grateful that I know what to do and have confidence in the process. This is a HUGE motivation to continue to pursue more education to help current and future clients!!

Just my rambling thoughts tonight from me on my pillow mountain! 🙂


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