Looking Back While Moving Forward
The second set of twins has been a whole different road than the first time around! I truly had NO clue what to do when the boys were born! I was completely shell-shocked when I brought them home from the hospital! I could change a bike tire out in under 3 minutes, but changing a diaper... Whew, that was a whole new ball game!
Now, looking back, I most definitely experienced postpartum depression that manifested as anxiety and a total obsession to feel “normal” again as soon as possible. I missed many joys because of this experience, but I really did not know to ask for help!
I would walk 5-6 miles per day, pushing the boys in the stroller because it helped to quiet my mind. I also did not know how to be still and just be with them! I had never done that before... that is, be still and just be. Actually, that is still a hard one for me!
I remember being at the library with the boys when they were probably 18 months and they were pulling all of the books off the shelves. I was so nervous that they were going to disrupt the other children who I saw as sitting quietly and listening to the librarian. I was frustrated because I did not know what to expect or do with these two little bundles of energy!
I felt completely overwhelmed most days and really operated more like a robot than a mom! Sigh!! My sweet boys! I wanted to enjoy them, but I just could not figure out how!
I now know that was completely normal and many new moms feel lost the first year or two. I wish I could rewind and tell the younger me “relax, you are doing fine, they love you and just want to be with you”. I would tell myself, “you have the rest of your life to be you”.
Recently, I read the book “The Awakened Family” by Shefali Tsabary and it was a huge eye-opener! I learned that I can step outside of convention and be my own mom! I could listen to my inner voice and more importantly, my kid's feedback to guide and shape this experience!
The four little people in my world teach me every day that life is brief and it’s important to soak it all in. I truly believe that they were brought here to guide me to a better way of being so I can be there to stand with them when they need me!
Stay tuned for more insights from this amazing book that EVERY mama should gift themselves! Buy it on Amazon and listen on your walks or in the car! You will not regret it!